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Happy New Year!
As I discussed in last week’s post, it can be very helpful to explore your sense of adventure and step out of your comfort zone when you’re trying to recover from a divorce or breakup. It’s also important, however, to honor your comfort zone. What makes you feel at home? What elements of your routine do you most value?
After a divorce or breakup, routine changes dramatically. Many of the daily patterns you shared with your ex shift, and you may find yourself busy with activities that were not part of your life in your relationship. If you’ve moved out of the house you shared with your partner, you’ve likely undergone a dramatic change in scenery and home décor. If you stayed in the house, the home has undoubtedly taken on a different appearance and feel from before the end of the relationship.
As you enter this new year, spend some time contemplating the elements of your daily routine and home décor that really make you comfortable and content. Take a few moments today (a half-hour vacation, perhaps) to list comforts from your life now and from previous periods of your life when you felt particularly content, whether in your childhood, single adulthood, or relationship. You might include things like morning rituals (drinking coffee from a special mug, reading a certain section of the newspaper), cherished pictures on the wall, a favorite color scheme in your home, reading before bed, or preparing favorite meals.
Reflect on your list, asking yourself these questions:
- Which of the things on my list are more about the “comfort zone” I shared with my partner than about my own personal
preferences? (place an R, for relationship, next to these things) - Are any of the things on my list keeping me in a rut or depression, rather than helping me move on with my life? (cross these things off the list)
- Which of the things on my list most truly resonate with me, making me feel secure and empowered? (circle these comforts)
Now, make a plan to ensure that you incorporate the comforts you’ve circled into your home or daily life. Focus on particular ways you can give them your own special touch. It might be especially fun and inspiring to implement the ones that your ex did not like or did not appreciate about you.
(You can also implement some of the comforts you’ve labeled with an R, as long as you can remain honest with yourself about whether these practices and decorations will help you move forward or will serve to keep you stuck in the past. Can you make them your own?)
