“How in the world could having a cup of tea help me with my divorce or breakup woes? How could tea possibly help my post-divorce stress, help me deal better with my ex or kids, help me get my life together? I mean, really!”
OK, so a cup of tea is definitely not going to solve all your problems. It’s probably not going to make you stronger, sexier, a perfect parent, happier, or magically without worries.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, consider having some tea. Consider really enjoying the tea, and the whole process of making it, sipping it, and sitting over the cup as it wafts up to your face. Consider “taking tea” in this way alone and also with a treasured friend.
The tea’s not exactly the point - it’s the mindful approach you take to it that can really help you center, calm down, enjoy your relationship with a cherished friend, and get out of your hurried, worrying routine. By placing attention on something that stimulates your senses (like an aromatic cup of hot tea), you bring yourself into the present moment and temporarily out of the whirlwind of thoughts and emotional reactions that are so prevalent in daily life. The result can be very grounding and calming (but no guarantees - see below!). Over time, this type of practice can have a profound impact on your stress level and your perspective.
You do not need much time - maybe 15 minutes if you’re making tea alone at home and one hour if you’re with a friend (although you may find you want to linger!). Have your tea at home, at a friend’s house, or at a relaxing tea house. In Denver, I highly recommend Seven Cups (traditional Chinese tea house - very quiet and restful) or Wash Perk (comfy neighborhood coffee house).
Here are some “instructions” for taking a mindful approach to tea:
If you have a little extra time:
Bring your full attention to each step of preparing, drinking, and savoring your tea. Notice how your body feels and moves as you make the tea. If your mind feels distracted, notice that, too, and then bring your attention back to preparing the tea however you want to do so. Then, sit down and notice the warm cup in your hands, the way the steam feels as it wafts out of the cup, the tea’s aroma, and how your body feels as you contemplate drinking it. Once you put the cup to your lips, see if you can drink slowly, paying close attention to the process without multitasking or thinking about other things. When your mind does wander (which it inevitably will), don’t get mad at yourself for “blowing” it - just gently bring your mind back to your tea. Ideally, you might spend 10 minutes or more with your cup of tea.
If you have only three minutes:
Make a cup of tea and then spend three minutes giving it your full attention before you take your tea with you to do other activities. Or, purchase a cup of tea at a coffee shop, and spend a few minutes focusing on the tea that has been prepared for you.
Important note: If you do not find yourself feeling completely relaxed and content with your cup of tea, don’t worry. The goal is not to make yourself feel as blissful as possible. The “goal” is simply to spend a few minutes devoting your full attention to something simple and small - in this case, a warm cup of tea. You will sometimes feel truly at peace with this exercise, and sometimes not - that’s how it works. But it’s a small way in which you can train your attention toward the present moment and away from your worrying mind.
