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When going through a divorce or separation, time can feel like it’s passing ridiculously slowly. It can also feel like there is no end in sight to the nagging swirl of emotions that continue to come up.
In the midst of the divorce/separation process, it can be helpful to take a step out of your typical relationship with time and see time from a new perspective, if even for a few moments.
There are a number of ways to do this. One that came to my attention recently is allowing yourself to connect with the incredible “distances” of time that have already passed.
During a break in my week, I visited the Prehistoric Journey exhibit at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. I meandered through the entire timeline of our planet, from the beginning of the solar system until the present.
One diorama had a particularly strong impact. After rounding a corner, I found myself face-to-face with an enormous wild pig, growling at me under his breath in the Nebraska woodlands/grasslands of 20 million years ago. As if 20 million years did not seem like a lengthy enough time span to get my brain around, a sign in front of the pig informed me that “It has been 30 million years since this area was a tropical rain forest” (I paraphrase). Wow - that put the pig in perspective, making him seem downright contemporary.
Back to the subject of divorce/separation…to put your own time frame into perspective, see if you can spend a few moments contemplating the vastness of time. You don’t have to go to the museum, although it’s a great thing to do (and your kids, if you have them, will love it). You could look at the night sky and contemplate the idea of a light year (the North Star is about 430 light years away, meaning it has taken light that long to arrive from the star to your eyes). You could remember something that happened 20 years ago that “seems like yesterday,” or you could read about your ancestors or other people who lived long ago. All of these contemplations help us realize that time really does march on and things really do change, no matter how stuck we may feel in the difficulties of the present.
One of my mom’s favorite sayings when I would find myself stuck in some “tortured” situation as a kid was “This too shall pass*.” Although it was not always helpful when I was 13, she really did have a point. Time marches on, whether we like it or not, and the travails of our divorce or separation will shift as well and give way to something different.
*According to this Wikipedia article, “This too shall pass” has origins with a Hebrew folk tale about King Solomon and was favored by Abraham Lincoln. I can’t guarantee this is true…but who knew?
