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The song “Every Day is like Sunday” (Morrissey, 1988) just came on the radio at the coffeehouse where I’m having lunch, and it transported me into a particular mood state I might call “gray.” Indeed, the song continues “Every day is silent and gray,” describing a forlorn beach resort town during the cold, gray off-season.
What’s this got to do with divorce or separation? This mood might sound familiar to you. It’s neither fiery nor comforting, certainly not cheerful, but not the deepest low you can experience. It’s…well, it’s rather gray, maybe like the day after Christmas or an eerily quiet November afternoon by the Chicago lakefront, as you carry a vague longing for summer’s sailboats and cyclists (we have significantly fewer of these gray weather days in Colorado!).
What to do with these “gray” moods? These moods can actually be good opportunities for introspection and self-reflection, especially since they tend to leave you with less energy than usual for dealing with other people. Your initial response might be to try to cheer yourself up, and that may be warranted…but you might actually be more satisfied by putting on some “gray mood” music (Morrissey does this for me, but we all have our own tastes), taking a slow walk in the park, or just sitting and observing the silence (and then maybe journaling about what you notice). It doesn’t feel good, but then it sometimes sort of does…see what comes up for you when you get in touch with your dull gray moods, rather than trying to change them into a cheery bright yellow.
*If your gray mood feels really down (so you don’t want to leave the house, get out of bed, etc.) day after day, please seek professional counseling. If you ever feel suicidal, call a friend and call 911. Nothing in this post is intended to substitute for psychotherapy.
